MLB mini helmet set / relegation tiers

I had a baseball blog topic idea in the works, and then Gregory at Nine Pockets sent me back to my childhood with a post about baseball mini-helmets available at Dairy Queen from the 1980s to at least 2005. 

Though I never saw the Team USA helmet cup in Gregory's post I have seen quite a few different MLB team helmets over the years. It took me about two decades and several dozen trips to DQ (and probably other ice cream franchises) to acquire one of every major league team, and some of these are three of four logos out of date. But here they are, secured in a single shoebox:

And here they are, displayed on my computer desk. National League teams:

The Nats hat is an easy way to tell I'd been collecting these well into the aughts. The Dodgers dupe was given to me by my (wife's) niece. 

Here's the American League, featuring some of the oldest sundae cups in the collection:

The Fenway Park 100 Years helmet was purchased at a Red Sox game. 

I wish I had some specific memories of which one was first, or which one was the hardest to find. There were definitely a couple of times I asked about a specific team and they were sold out, but which ones? For some reason I think the Tigers were a tough one. 

If I see any ice cream shop, franchise, or truck selling these I might peruse the options for old time's sake. A Guardians helmet would round out the AL nicely, and some NL teams could use an update, particularly the Marlins, Pirates, and Brewers. The box might not fit any more cups though!

Since we're talking about MLB teams, I thought I'd share a fun "what if" inspired by an episode of Ted Lasso:

 

You don't have to know the difference between Manchester United and Manchester City to know that English football has relegation. The episode goes on to explain that American teams with no chance of finishing near the top of the standings simply play out the schedule to half-empty crowds. There's nothing for the Pirates and Rockies to play for in mid-September because they're not fighting to survive. 

But... what if they were?  

In my opinion, the only "American" sport where relegation makes any sense is baseball. The NFL and NHL have strict salary caps, and enough parity that there's no sad-sack franchise so perennially awful that they're a blight on the game (not even the Sabres or Jets) 

The NBA has some garbage franchises that could conceivably be relegated (do we really need the Wizards or Hornets?) but no true minor league to relegate them to (the G league isn't on par with MiLB or AHL)

With no salary cap, another labor dispute fast approaching, and multiple teams either actively trying not to compete or halfheartedly trying just enough to keep collecting revenue sharing checks (to say nothing of the messy minor league system) if there was ever a time to consider relegation for pro baseball, this is it.*

*I still don't think it's even a remote possibility, but humor me here.

Let's take the top 20 teams in MLB since 2020 and keep them in the top tier. 

Chevrolet S-Tier League presented by YouTube TV

	American League		National League
1	Houston Astros	1	Los Angeles Dodgers
2	New York Yankees	2	Milwaukee Brewers
3	Tampa Bay Rays	3	Atlanta Braves
4	Toronto Blue Jays	4	Philadelphia Phillies
5	Seattle Mariners	5	San Diego Padres
6	Cleveland Guardians	6	San Francisco Giants
7	Boston Red Sox	7	New York Mets
8	Minnesota Twins	8	St. Louis Cardinals
9	Baltimore Orioles	9	Chicago Cubs
10	Detroit Tigers	10	Cincinnati Reds

So what do we do with the ten remaining teams? Put them in a league with ten "minor league" clubs. There are a handful of cities that have lost MLB teams, served as temporary hosts of MLB teams, or are bidding for future expansion teams. Let's throw them in the mix and see what we get:

Budweiser A-Tier League presented by T-Mobile

	American League		National League
1	Texas Rangers	1	Arizona Diamondbacks
2	Los Angeles Angels	2	Miami Marlins
3	Kansas City Royals	3	Washington Nationals
4	Oakland Athletics	4	Pittsburgh Pirates
5	Chicago White Sox	5	Colorado Rockies
6	Sacramento River Cats	6	Montreal Expos
7	Las Vegas Aviators	7	Nashville Sounds
8	Portland Beavers	8	Buffalo Bisons
9	Salt Lake City Bees	9	Norfolk Tides
10	Charlotte Knights	10	Memphis

I selected some triple-A teams from larger markets to round out the A-tier. Memphis would need a unique name since their minor league club is called the Cardinals. (Hound Dogs, perhaps?)

Let's do one more, shall we?

Our double-A replacement would consist of cities with small and large populations. Imagine the Durham Bulls or Albuquerque Isotopes in the bigs? Could happen in this scenario.

He Gets Us B-Tier League presented by FanDuel

	Eastern League		Southern League
1	Indianapolis Indians	1	Durham Bulls
2	Rochester Red Wings	2	Omaha Storm Chasers
3	Syracuse	3	Birmingham Barons
4	Toledo Mud Hens	4	San Antonio Missions
5	Hartford Yard Goats	5	Oklahoma City Comets
6	Columbus Clippers	6	Arkansas Travelers
7	Scranton/WB RailRiders	7	Reno Aces
8	Richmond Flying Squirrels	8	Jacksonville Jumbo Shrimp
9	Louisville Bats	9	Albuquerque Isotopes
10	Harrisburg Senators	10	Round Rock Express

Syracuse would need a unique name. I had hoped to place a team in Austin, but I guess Round Rock is close enough. 

Other major markets that would have to settle for teams in the Florida Oranges Vitamin C-tier League presented by LifeLock include Newark, New Orleans, Orlando, San Jose, and Vancouver. 

Do you think a relegation system would work in North American sports? 

The PSA-graded singles I purchased for my birthday have arrived. I'll post up a few this weekend.

Thanks for reading!