Weekend Long Read - Taryn

"Hey, who was that YouTuber girl you used to like?" I was asked not long ago. 

There was only one answer. It wasn't Emma Chamberlain or KallMeKris or anyone on the trending page. I doubt anyone currently attending high school or junior high has ever heard of her. She was an O.G.

"Taryn Southern." I replied. "Why?"

It is practically impossible for a social media celebrity to make headlines unless something horrible has happened. If a YouTuber does something embarrassing, they're usually held to account in-house[shout out to Charlie]. News aggregators rarely waste time on these fools.

Taryn's story wasn't covered on Charlie's channel. Taryn's story was bigger, broader, sadder. It explained so much to me, as someone who followed her channel and wrote of her on this blog (and the one that preceded it). The events that occurred over that time, and since, lined up with what I'd expected. Only it was far worse than I could have ever imagined.

                                

The first YouTube channel(and video) I ever watched was created by author John Green and "vlogbrother" Hank. I still follow them fifteen years later. I used to watch Minecraft videos with my daughters but they don't play anymore so I watch 'em myself now. If I'm on YouTube at all these days, it's primarily for sports content - Packast, The Hockey Guy, Foolish Baseball, FlemLo Raps, and KTO are in the rotation. I used to love SB Nation/Secret Base, but they've basically become NBATV without Jon Bois front and center. [Man, I wish Jon could tell this story...]

There is one woman currently on my Subscription list, and she does movie reactions. There is one comedic entertainer on my Subscription list. Hi there, hello! If you're not familiar with Ryan George, he makes recurring series in which he plays several characters: Screenwriter Guy/Producer Guy, '90s TV Show Host/Time Traveler Guy, and various First Guy To... skits.

Basically, he talks to himself. Tom Grossi does the same thing on Packcast, playing characters that represent various NFL fanbases. Wildflower (Washington fan) is a cult fave.

The first time I ever saw this method in action was on Taryn's channel. I'm not saying she invented it, but... no one's ever made it look this good before or since:

{Note: I had a more specific example in mind but she removed the video. She removed a lot of her old videos.}

As I mentioned at the time both to my best friend during our "bro down" guy chats and on my blog(s) Taryn wasn't just unfathomably gorgeous. She was talented and funny and creative;  probably the closest anyone has ever come to my idea of an absolutely perfect woman -- which adds another layer of anger and frustration to this story.

The NFL Draft is going on, so let's use that as a backdrop to this theoretical: if you could choose any woman in the world to hang out with/make out with/spend the next 'x' amount of years with... who would you choose? If you'd asked me that any time in the mid-2010s, I'd be scribbling her name on a 4 x 6 index card and running up to the stage like it's a track meet.

 

Speaking of running...



We're not talking about the fifth-best quarterback to come out of the University of Kentucky. We're talking about a student-athlete who was chosen as the most well-rounded and attractive woman at the University of Miami.

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Good guys named Brian Johnson

 

*The Crazy Artist was an old screenwriter acquaintance of mine. Good guy. Great writer.

Billionaire Tech Bros who aren't assholes

 

 

Not long after I became a loyal consumer of Taryn's content (if I do say so myself)... her content shifted, reflecting her sudden change of interests.

This wasn't like Mookie Betts going to the Dodgers, this was like Mookie Betts retiring from baseball to work in Silicon Valley. "I liked the thing you used to do." The bossy, selfish fan cried. "Go back to doing that!"

I chalked it up to an intelligent person following curiosity and expanding her horizons. She made some mention of becoming disillusioned with YouTube, which I connected to declining ad revenues or some change in policy that short-changed creators.. all out of my scope. 

Point is, the Party Fun Times were over.

Corky did an amazing job on these. Unfortunately I sent them to a PO Box listed on one of her websites... and the mailer bounced back to me three months later.

If I were a much younger man, it might have bothered me that the once fan-friendly semi-celeb was suddenly unreachable by mail. It didn't bother me then. But now that the blanks are filled in, it grates on me.

What. The. F*ck?!?!?

Okay. Now I'm pissed. 

I get that billionaires kind of have to be ruthless but.. this is just cruel. 

Net negative?!?! This Benjamin Button wannabe really gonna call his "female-directed and produced sci-fi documentary" I Am Human and treat her like she's anything but.

How does shit like this happen? As a normal, not wealthy, famous, or exceptionally attractive person I am so befuddled by this story. Maybe she's just a gold digger, who knows? 

Kris seems to know (is that KallMeKris?) And yeah, I'm obviously on Team Taryn because I enjoyed her content for years and whatnot. It's not like this is the first time a wealthy and successful man kicked his woman to the curb right after she was diagnosed with cancer.

That part didn't shock me. I had a sinking feeling that would happen. But the way this Johnson allegedly manipulated her into becoming completely subservient just does not compute.

It's true what they say. Love really makes you do crazy things. Trust me, I know. 

All of this is to say that I don't know Taryn Southern. I don't know if she's telling the truth, though I believe her.


One thing I do know is that humans are not fucking depreciating assets.

💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗

I hope she resurfaces soon. I hope she's well. I hope she gets her life back and bleeds Benjamin Button dry.

Anyway, I had to get this off my chest. All-Time Teams will resume next week. If you got this far, thank you so much for reading. I truly appreciate it, especially with non-sports card essays like this.

Have a great weekend, and be kind to your fellow humans. 

 

 

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Addendum, Epilogue

The topic of card bloggers retiring from their blog and migrating to social media has come up a lot lately. Let me tell you why I would never make such a move...


Friday morning I posted my most recent Sports Card Tour stop, Salt Lake City. I mentioned that Salt Lake City is home to an MLS franchise, a minor league baseball team, and a wonderful girl whom I crushed on for many years.

In the afternoon my wife took the girls to her mother's and I had the house to myself. I'll be there for the Fourth of July cookout by the time you read this, so I saw no reason to go two days in a row. I had planned on scrolling through my blogroll, leaving a few comments, and starting my San Antonio post. 

Instead I decided to check in with that girl....


My previous blog The Pedestrian Writer was a place for me to share some of my story ideas, favorite songs, life lessons, crushes, etc. Some of you have read (or written) blogs that mention attractive women - from actors and singers to sideline reporters to stars of wrestling/fight sports. I did a lot of that, too. But the one girl that really captured my heart wasn't famous.

I'm long past the phase of swooning over a girl and journaling my thoughts. And this isn't the place for that, anyhow. Let's just say that she had a light inside of her that drew me in like a moth. She had a lot of struggles in her life but managed to stay positive and fight for her joy. She was a beautiful person inside and out.

She's mostly gone from the social media haunts I found her on, and I disconnected from them - and her - some time ago. But when I re-read that line in my SLC post I decided to do something I had only done once this year. I checked her Instagram.

She's engaged.

Now I want to be clear here - I'm not jealous. I'm happy. Well, actually I'm proud.

She and I communicated for a while, but we never became friends. I'm socially awkward and terrible at navigating social media. Also I'm married, which added a layer of guilt I won't get into. This is my comfort zone - long form writing. What twenty-something female wants to read blog posts? (She did, once upon a time.)


I looked at my social media experience like it was television. Everyone has a story to tell, and you're joining them in-progress. Choose to follow along, catch up, get hooked - or don't. I was hooked on her story. She even wrote a blog post page called "My Story - From Death to Life" so I felt like I was there from Season One.

Yesterday I saw the ending. She got a better job. She just moved into a house she bought with her fiancee (in SLC). They have a little puppy. 

She has the life I always hoped she would. And they lived happily ever after....



I know that my mind would have wandered her way a lot more often in the past two years, had I not decided to write a blog about sports cards. So you won't see me on Twitter or Instagram or Facebook (and definitely not Tumblr-does anyone still use that?) ostensibly because I'm avoiding poisonous political rhetoric. But secretly? Because I don't want to run into another girl like her.



Obligatory card:

She won't be a Mele much longer.

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Until now, Sports Card Tour has kept me focused on positive thoughts and hobbies. This post doesn't belong here but I needed to write it as a final update on blog posts past and present. If you read this drivel, I'll award bonus SCT points to show my gratitude. 


Tomorrow we'll be back to our regularly scheduled programming :-)


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